April Fish

I planned on a hoax today, some interesting bit of news that would ruffle the madridistas or enflame the cules, an April 1st broma to wind them up, an April Fool’s Day prank to break up the monotony around here, but in the end I decided against it. I’ll explain why.

Picture another headline above. Flash. Lionel Messi’s mother has announced her imminent divorce from her husband deciding it would be best that no one come between herself and her true love Diego Armando Maradona. You’d believe it right? Maybe if it were Cesc Fabregas’s hottie of a mom. Maybe. What about this one? Florentino Perez has pulled out of the Real Madrid race citing continued health problems for his embattled wife, leaving the door open for Spanish torch singer and Real Madrid socio Julio Iglesias everybody! What if I had added the nice bit about Jose Mourinho having been contacted and would bring new bromance partner Zlatan Ibrahimovich. Would that make the rumor more palatable?

I know it seems far fetched. Mourinho and Zlatan to Real Madrid just smack of sensationalism,  but everything else seems appropriate, no? That’s what it looks like to me when I wake up mornings and survey the landscape; the impending transfer window that is supposed to close twice a year but never really does; the preparations for and the ramifications of never seems to slow for a minute.

Here are some examples from just today: Jose Mourinho is in talks with Florentino Perez for the Real Madrid job and it’s obvious because he’s learning Spanish. Again. Does anyone remember that he was hired years ago by FC Barcelona as Sir Bobby Robson’s interpreter. Did he forget his Castilian while learning the Queen’s English? Zlatan though wants Barca instead. Couples sadly drift apart nowadays. In other news, Cesc Fabregas was seen wearing a white jacket (better than the ensemble he was wearing for the spit-shoot incident at Hull City I might add). This automagically means that the young Catalan prodigy is now singing Hala Madrid in Wenger’s ear? Not to be outdone, Joan Laporta and his Catalan press are happy to announce that Cesc is still Catalan! Get out the blaugrana carpet for the kid, he would make a great addition to the Camp Nou midfield and give them an extra member for their new Lollipop Guild from the Land of Oz run by the other mighty-mites Xavi Hernandez and Andres Iniesta.

You get the picture: Samuel Eto’o to Liverpool, Douglas Maicon to Madrid, and Alan Shearer to Newcastle, all of those seem unlikely right? Hmm. Shearer to Newcastle. It'll never happen. They couldn't be that dumb. Could they?

No, nothing I could make up today on April Fool's Day here in the United States, or as it's known in the Spanish speaking world as the Day of the Saintly Innocents although much later in the year I gather, or in France as the Day of April Fish for some reason, would be any more shocking than what we all get to read about daily in our daily sports pages.